I’ve been alcohol-free for 4 months. What has changed?
Well… a lot.
There’s no fucking way I can ever really describe it in words. I can only try to explain how I’ve been feeling lately.
You know, I remember feeling like this when I was a kid. Waking up with excitement in your eyes, wide open to the new day. And then reality starts to kick in – friction with unfairness and lack of empathy, sometimes even cruelty.
Then the whole day feels like a battle. Another bill I can’t pay, another debt collector calling, or some piece of news catching my eye. Each one feels like a blow that needs to be processed. I gather my strength and do my best to respond, to suggest solutions. That takes even more energy.
For each of those jabs, I invent an antidote: a few phrases for a song, a political essay to vent, a walk in the woods, or quality time with my cat friend. Above all, of course, the best thing is spending time with people you love. But they’re often busy surviving too.
Yeah, and then there’s work. Trying to formalise all this chaos and turn it into deliverable pieces of art that then need to be distributed and promoted.
Eventually evening comes, and I can’t take it anymore. Before falling asleep, I try to focus on the good things I’ve done that day. Often it works. Sometimes I go to sleep depressed, but still hoping I’ll wake up with excitement in my eyes, wide open to the new day.